#71: Don't take your infant to a big person movie

If it's not the crybaby matinee, then you need to keep the little fucker at home. And I know it sounds "mean" to call a baby a "little fucker" and all, but guess what: when you bring a 7 month old to see "The Dark Knight," and he starts doing what babies do, which is CRY--cry at the scary parts, cry at the funny parts, cry at the moment of cinematic profundity--then everybody in the theater, including parents who love their own precious babies very, very much but have the maturity to hire a sitter, is going to think of your beloved spawn as a little fucker--and a chip off the old block.