Have you ever noticed how the world would be such a better place if people just did what we wanted them to do--or didn't do what we didn't want them to do? My List of Don'ts is my humble attempt to improve the world I live in. Perhaps it will improve your world as well.

The CARDINAL DON'T: Don't be such a fucking pussy!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

#75: Note to Bill: Please review the Cardinal Don't

So Bill Clinton doesn't want to watch Barack Obama's acceptance speech on Thursday. And Bill Clinton is pouty because Obama doesn't pay enough attention to him.

Bill: You are being a fucking pussy. You had your day in the sun. You did some good things, and you did some stupid things. Unlike every other president before you, you didn't have the sense to get your cock sucked by a woman who might exercise a little discretion. And you sold out the gay people who supported you with the "Defense of Marriage Act," hypocritcally asserting that gay marriage would threaten straight marriages (unlike, I suppose, married men's bathroom encounters with slack-jawed interns). For better or worse, for many years you received the attention you so obviously craved.

In her speech at the Democratic Party Convention, your wife--the one who, by the way, was actually running for office--said all the right words. She gets it that, like it or not, she can't continue wailing and stamping her feet against the wall. Now you, buddy, need to grab yourself a flat of nachos, sit your ass down in your seat at the convention, arrange a fake smile on your face, and, except while you're snacking, SHUT. YOUR. HOLE.

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