#118: Don't pay multiple levels of idiotic employees when you can pay fewer employees who know WTF they're doing

Below is a letter sent to ATT's Randall Stephenson. It's the usual rant about tech company employees who ought to be bitch slapped, though in less offensive language than one might prefer to use. It's probably not of great entertainment value or interest, but I post it in case anybody needs to copy and paste it in his or her own complaint to ATT, Comcast, Dell, etc.

Dear Mr. Stephenson:

I've been a satisfied ATT DSL customer for more than a year now, but my recent experience has brought my positive - and FREE - word-of-mouth marketing of your product to a screeching halt. My dissatisfaction relates to several of your departments, and perhaps you will forward this e-mail to the relevant leaders so they can get their act together. A few helpful suggestions:

1. DSL Tech Support: Don't encourage your employees to make crap up when they don't know the answer. I called in for tech support help because my DSL kept going out. My theory was the modem was going out, but your tech said, "Oh, no, if this type modem goes out, then you won't see any lights at all." Having used many electronic devices in my life that turn on but don't work (e.g., cars), I was skeptical. But he was (supposed to be) the expert, so I agreed to call back later when my line could be tested. Turns out this guy just pulled these words out of some orifice - he completely made them up. Why not tell your employees that if they don't know the answer to just say so and transfer the call to someone who does know? It took me three calls to your tech support to finally find somebody who told me what I had suspected all along: my modem was going out. You wasted my time and limited my Internet access because you had a poorly trained employee on the front line. Why? If you want to give out charity, give this idiot a broom.

2. DSL Tech Support: When you make a mistake and ship a replacement modem out to the wrong address the first time, overnight the replacement as a courtesy to the customer who has had no Internet access for several days. For some reason ATT could not manage to add my townhouse number to the box containing the replacement modem, so I had to call back several days later and ask where the modem was. This, of course, wasted another 30 minutes of my time. Finally I was told that the box had been incorrectly addressed (even though my bills seem to reach me), and I was promised another modem would arrive in two days. It arrived in five. It should have arrived in one as a courtesy. Your employee also should have told the truth.

3. Customer Service: Don't call yourself "customer service" if you have not empowered your employees to provide customer service. I spent nearly an hour on the phone last night with a woman claiming to be in customer service who had me on hold half the time because her "system" was down, and who, once her "system" was up, could not do anything about the missing modem and who could not even provide a refund for the days in which I had not had Internet service. Why are you paying her then? How much could my bill be reduced by just eliminating her position altogether? Wouldn't it make more sense to have a smaller crew of effective people rather than a teeming crew of frustrating and useless employees?

4. Customer Service: Don't tell people you're transferring them to a supervisor when you're really placing them back in the queue. This is what your so-called customer service woman did last night. That was nearly the last straw for me.

5. Marketing: Don't think you make money for ATT by sending out a zillion ads. Your money would be better spent insisting that customer service get its act together. You waste valuable marketing dollars trying to get people to switch to your product. Here I had been talking you up as a better option than cable, and now - largely because of a trust issue - I no longer believe that and will no longer provide you free advertising. Furthermore, during all my time on hold I began wondering why I had a land line. I also began wondering why I dealt with ATT at all. We're entering a time when people are going to be paring back expenses. If you want to keep customers, then a little more competency might be in order.

Regards,

The Devil

P.S. Don't have a "voice recognition" system on your 1411 directory assistance that doesn't even recognize your own company's name! (Note to readers: If your response to the voice recognition system's "We're sorry. We did not recognize your request" message is "Fuck you," the operator on the other line will hear you!