We have all felt "done wrong" in our lives, and it ain't no fun. It is certainly appropriate and probably necessary to revel in your outrage after a break-up and to indulge in a pity party to which your friends are, unfortunately for them, invited.
But when years pass, and you are still playing the role of Passion of the Christ, then there's a problem. Martyrdom is not attractive, and the longer you see yourself as a poor, put-upon creature, the more your companions will begin to think that maybe that shitbird of an ex had some good reasons for flying the coop. Maybe, in fact, the ex was NOT the only one responsible for the implosion of the relationship (imagine that!). Certainly your new partner will be turned off by your ongoing bitterness; possibly you will find yourself yet again in a sexless relationship.
No one says you should like your ex or want anything to do with him or her ever again. Generally I am in favor of good old-fashioned divorces like the kind Mom and Dad had. But if you can't stop talking about "what happened" five years ago, and you can't resist finding some pathetic excuse for re-entering your despised ex's life (attempting to locate missing items s/he may have, trying to remain "friends" with the ex's family), then guess what: the shitbird becomes you, because you are so emotionally immature that you cannot assess your life and take responsibility for moving on and finding contentment without the other. People cease feeling sorry for you at some point--and why would an interesting grown man or woman want them to in the first place?
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